By Demetrius Carrington

One day, I found myself behind the wheel, tears streaming silently down my face. It wasn’t any one thing, but a swirl of emotions: sadness, burnout, loneliness, and an overwhelming sense of being underappreciated. I couldn’t quite put my finger on the cause. I have amazing friends. I can be social when I want to be. But the truth is—I’m single, and I don’t want to be. I’m looking for the right situation. I want to be married. I want to live out the rest of my life in the middle of a beautiful, soul-deep love affair.

What I do know is this: I’m running on fumes. I’m overdue for a vacation. I’m burnt out—mentally, physically, emotionally. I keep telling myself that I’m waiting on the right time to unplug and recharge. And I will do it.

The very next day, I got a call from one of my closest friends—a successful entrepreneur like myself. We’ve shared a lot over the years, including the devastating loss of our fathers. Both of our dads were extraordinary men, full of wisdom and love. We’ll never get over their absence. I think that grief has lingered beneath the surface, slowly pressing down on me. My dad was always the person I could call when I felt low. He always had the right words, the right tone. And now he’s not here.

So, I’m talking to my friend, and I could hear it in his voice—he was low too. I told him what I had been feeling, and to my surprise, he said he had felt the exact same way. The only difference? He has a family. But sometimes, you can feel completely alone even when surrounded by people. That kind of loneliness is different. It’s deeper.

There’s a truth men rarely speak: a lot of times, we feel unappreciated. The world expects us to carry so much—be the breadwinners, the protectors, the emotional anchors of our families. But no one really asks how we’re doing. The pressure is enormous, and for men of color, it’s compounded. We only get one shot where others get several. We’re under scrutiny at every turn. When you do find some success, people assume it’s easy. But it’s not. Behind every win is a battle no one saw.

Sometimes, all we really need is someone to say, “I see you. I appreciate you. It’s going to be okay.”

Because men need love too.

We live in a culture that loves to say “happy wife, happy life,” but somewhere along the way, we forgot about the man. We forgot about the glue that holds the family together. We forgot to ask: Is he okay?

The truth is, many of us are not okay.

At one point, I had to take a hard look at myself. I realized I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I had been choosing women who were beautiful—but not aligned with me spiritually or emotionally. They were good people, but not my people. I went through a phase of searching for love through physical contact—meaningless, short-term connections that left me emptier than before.

I was spending money trying to buy happiness, doing things to please others in the hope that it would come back to me in the form of love or appreciation. It didn’t. Because happiness doesn’t work that way. It’s not transactional. It comes from within.

That was a painful but necessary lesson.

I’ve started doing the work. I’m not all the way there yet, but I’ve come to realize something powerful: It feels good to be appreciated. Just to be acknowledged as a man who tries, who gives, who leads, who feels.

I once read that 90% of the things that keep men up at night aren’t even our problems. They belong to other people—friends, family, coworkers, and strangers who see us as dependable. And because many of us have big hearts and a sense of duty, we carry those burdens, often without complaint.

But we’re hurting. And we need your help.

Not in a way that strips us of our masculinity, but in a way that supports our humanity.

After I finished writing this story, I let one of my close friends read it. Honestly, I was a little concerned about how it might be perceived. My friend thought it was too personal. And after I sat with that for a while, I realized—that’s exactly the point. It is personal. Deeply personal. But so many men are dealing with this. And I know that many women are too. That’s why I decided to publish it. I’m not afraid to be looked at in a negative light. This is my truth. And if sharing my feelings helps even one person get to their breakthrough—it’s worth it.

Ask the men in your life how they’re really doing. Listen without judgment. Love us not just for what we can do, but for who we are.

Because at the end of the day, behind the bravado and the responsibilities, we are human too.

And yes—men need love too.