The Paradox of Making Decisions…

By Lowell E. Blashall


It seems to always happen; we prioritize our wants over our needs. We want the shiny sports car, but we need the economical sedan. We choose with our eyes and our emotions rather than using practical, sound decision making.

While writing this piece I find myself in quite the precarious position. I am in love with a woman who doesn’t want to be in a relationship. This would be enough for the average guy to just move on, but I think it’s fair to say I’m not average.

I was always taught to push for what you want. Someone saying no just means you haven’t done a good enough job explaining the benefits and features of your program.

This line of thought has helped make me successful and has caused me a great deal of heartache. I truly believe I’m a great catch. I was raised properly in a two-parent home where death did they part. I was properly educated, and I believe I have a decent understanding of women and I never mistreat anyone. So, I’m very confused when a woman tells me she’s not interested.

The truth of the matter is, I get my fair share of attention from the ladies. These ladies are gorgeous, successful, and are ready to build a world class love affair that will lead to marriage. That’s exactly what I want too, but honestly, I haven’t found anyone from this group that has captured my heart.

I prefer a book and street-smart kind of woman, someone who doesn’t take things for granted and doesn’t feel entitled.

At this point in my life my goals are simple. I want to be madly in love and dedicate my life to the happiness of my loved one. I want to help someone realize their dreams. Not many of us get to do that but I did, and it’s truly an awesome feeling. I’d love to be a part of someone’s happiness that way again.

I want to make someone feel like the most important person in the world and offer them unconditional love and devotion that will last a lifetime.

As you can imagine, I’ve never had an issue of finding willing suitors until now.

Perhaps I’m arrogant, but I can’t see a woman turning me down when I’m sincerely offering my heart. Perhaps I’m spoiled; either way it doesn’t make much sense to me.

I met this woman. She’s everything I could ask for. She is tough yet kind, intelligent and hard-working, and has a heart of gold. Of course, there are things I don’t like, but I can live with them. I like the way this woman makes me feel. I want to help make her dreams come true. I love her.

She told me from the beginning her position. She said that in her last relationship, her mate never did anything with her. She felt like she missed out on something. I should have bailed at that moment. This woman is almost 37 and at that age, her having those type of feelings could only mean disaster for me, but I pressed on.

Not only did I press on, but I used all my influence to help her clothing business. I’ve directly put her in positions she may have never gotten in without me. I’m not saying she wouldn’t be successful without me at all; I just did whatever I could do to help. This woman is a winner. I believe in her and I love seeing her smile. I want to help her realize her dreams as I said earlier, but I feel like I’m getting nowhere with my dream of being her hero and building the relationship of a lifetime.

To complicate the matter even worse, I have friends telling me I’m being used and stupid. They think she’s just around for the perks. I don’t know if I believe that’s true. But then there are times I think I could be getting played. She never asked for any of what I gave her. I did it to show her what life could be like with me and to let her know I have her best interest at heart.

To further complicate matters, someone from my past has resurfaced. This is a woman I cared for very deeply. We didn’t have a break up per se, but she received an offer to continue her education in another state and we mutually agreed that was the best decision for her.

Now she’s back with a great career and wants to pick up where we left off. On all measures this makes sense. She checks every box. She’s drop-dead gorgeous, smart, and she loves me. She says the sweetest things and is the most considerate woman I’ve ever met. But I’m not in love with her anymore. She lives on the west coast and as luck would have it, I’ve been offered a prestigious position with a great company out west. She has even said she’d relocate to me if necessary. Why is this a hard decision? One woman doesn’t want what I want, and the other wants everything I want. This should be easy right, but it’s not.

Unlike most people, love is my fuel. Money nor fame nor worldly possessions get me excited. I’ve had those things and as cliché’ as it sounds, they really don’t make you happy. I want the love affair, but am I being stupid?

I’m torn between what seems like should be an easy decision and maybe it is. One thing is for sure; my life isn’t big enough for me to share with both of them. Someone is going to get hurt, and that makes me sad.

The paradox of decision making is never easy when it comes to matters of the heart. Maybe that’s why so many of us get it wrong when it comes to matters of the heart.

But whatever happens I can honestly say I had great intentions.

Wish me luck. Decision day is looming and isn’t going to be pretty.