In This Jealous or Justified, "The guy I am seeing says I am not ambitious enough, is he right?"


“Jealous or Justified is a monthly segment where we ask our readers to analyze the situation of someone who has asked for our help to see if the person is being Jealous or are they Justified in feeling the way they feel.

Please keep in mind that the term “Jealous” can mean many things in the context of this segment.It doesn’t and won’t always mean jealous in its true meaning. Perhaps the person is just in their feeling a bit too much.

From Ashley Moore
Adapted by Antisia King

I work at very Prestigious Law firm in New York City. I’m not an Attorney though, I work in the accounting department. I’ve been seeing one of the Attorneys for about a year now. It started out as nothing too serious; he’s just a really fun guy to be around.

It started as just drinks after work, we would talk about all the older Attorneys and who’s position he was going to take. Not only is he fun to be around but he’s super ambitious. He told me he grew up poor so he was determined to give his family a better life than he had and his goal is to never be poor again.

For the last nine months of our relationship we have gotten closer and I have enjoyed our intimacy but the minute it’s over all he talks about is making more money and how I should be more aggressive and start my own business or go back to school. It really gets on my nerves because I’m comfortable where I’m at in life. Sometime the way he talks you’d think I was an uninspired lazy bum. At first it didn’t bother me but now I’ve started to really like him, I’ve even thought maybe we could actually be together.

One time we went shopping he questioned every one of my purchases. On the way home he was asking me things like how was my credit; do I save money and what’s important to me. When I asked him why he was asking me all of these questions, he said, because "I know you can do better, if you live like a Princess for the next few years, you can live like a Queen for the rest of your life." Then he said he had to protect his energy, I really didn’t get what he was talking about but I did start thinking about what he was saying. I really don’t save money and my credit is not good so he had a good point, but he’s not my father and I have plenty time to get myself together.

Our firm’s holiday party was coming up and I was very excited! They don’t spare any expense on this party and they even let us invite two guests each.

I assumed that we would go together but I hadn’t spoken to him in almost two weeks as he said he was working on a special project. When we finally spoke he told me he had invited some friends and he was coming to the party with them. That didn’t really bother me that much because we’ve all done that before.

The night of the party he didn’t show up with some friends he showed up with a friend, a white girl friend.

It was obvious that she wasn’t just a friend either. They were very into each other and some of the other Attorneys even knew her.

I was crushed. I quietly left the party and went home. I was humiliated, I took two days off from work and just cried. I didn’t answer my phone or nothing, my heart was broken.

I called another friend who seemed to know the white girl from the party and he told me that she was a very nice person, that her and my friend grew up together and that she is in Medical School. I was like wait, but he grew up dirt poor so where did the white girl come from? He replied, "there are poor white people too. She's just worked hard to improve her life."

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. I had to ask myself honestly, have I worked that hard or been willing to work hard to better my furture?

On the third day he showed up at my house to see if I was okay. I asked him, "why you would bring a white girl to the party like that."

He said,"white girl? What does that have to do with anything? You’re not committed to anything but fun, for months you shared your body with me and never once talked about us being committed, you buy things you can’t afford because it’s fun to look successful, you eat nothing but bad food and your lack of ambition is a major turn off. Like I told you I have to protect my energy. She is my childhood friend, so who cares that she’s white. We dreamed about getting out of poverty and we both have. We motivate each other to be better people."

I asked him was he sleeping with her, he didn’t answer and just left my house.

We tried seeing each other again but something for me is not the same. I think I’m going to end it for good.

Guys, I need your help, is he justified in his feelings, am I wasting my life?

Am I am just jealous that she’s white?

I need to make sure before I call it off.

Jealous or Justified



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